April 6, 2005

My first April blog, and I'm barely surviving here. Just when I though I was maintaining a consistant level of pain (6.5-7), I suddenly was hit with a my worst flare-up (yet) 10 days ago, and it has yet to calm down. Basically can not sit or stand for even a short amount of time. I shuffle when I walk. Lots of low back pain, and extreme pain in both legs. And I'm having problems sleeping because I'm in pain even then, even with 4 Excedrin PM. I've missed several days of work, taken numerous Vicadin (which helps only a little), and have even been having others lift and carry things for me like my 20-lb laptop. (That's very hard for me, since I'm a stubborn Taurus with strong German roots.) And still there's very little change.

At least today I had something good happen. I get a pain block (cortizone injection) tomorrow at 4:00 in my low back. I've had many of these before; long ago they were very helpful, and I would get one once a year or so. Ever since I partially herniated my disc, I've been getting them about every six months, and I'm several months overdue; now they are only somewhat helpful. Also since the disc herniation, the injections are a lot more painful and it usually takes a couple of weeks to kick in. So I'll be taking Friday off, and will be a very good girl and actually stay down Friday - Sunday so hopefully by Monday I'll be back at work and in better condition than I'm in now. This is the only possible thing that can help me between now and my May 11 surgery date. If this doesn't work, I can expect to be this way until May.

Along with extended amounts of extreme pain also comes depression. And that's what I'm finding myself in lately as well. I guess it's the mental toll the pain can take on you...and it's especially hard when Spring finally arrives and you can't even take a short walk outside. I know there are a lot of people that have it worse...but today I'm feeling selfish. I think everyone deserves to be selfish once in awhile. Especially Brad, who is one of the most self-less people I know. Brad, if you're reading this....I really, really, really owe you. Thank you for always being there for me.